NOTE, Western Encryption Secret
Let's admit the secret: western encryption is completely backdoored.
"Can you prove it"? Cleverly asks the CENSORED TOP SECRET SELF APPOINTED ORGANIZATION spy
Answer from our anonymous reader I have better ways to spend my time There're so many backdoored ciphers and implementations and they get updated with a worse one as soon as someone finds a backdoor, after years of laborious expert analyses.
Disclaimer : This critique is entirely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real projects, organizations, or individuals is purely coincidental. The views expressed in this critique are not meant to be taken seriously and are intended only as a thought experiment. Not intended to harm: This critique is not intended to harm or disparage any real projects, organizations, or individuals. Any references to real entities are casual and not meant to be taken as criticism or endorsement.
Write your comments to tech dot handrail404 at passinbox dot com. The best ones will be published here.
FreeMind: "Can you prove it?" YOU, GOVERNMENT MUST never-endingly PROVE that your citizens are safe from day-to-day global mass surveillance . Otherwise what have you been "appointed" for ? For your own pocket and personal power ? What is the point of having a government at all if it behaves worse than a terrorist army ? For mass lies ? For mass subjogation ? History tells us, with pure and genuine evidence from ancient religions to today Far West "democracies" .
QueenSpy: How did yu discovered it ? Did you hack or infiltrate the Holy Queen's Castle ? Are you a traitor ? A spy ? Did you betray the Holy Queen ?
NextJesus: Its one of that situations where "evidence is in the air" , its so obvious that you can "smell" it
ModelCitizen: Dont look a gift horse in the mouth!!!! Its trusted and free, isnt it ?
SurveillanceStateVictim: The only honoured human right in the Police State is freedom to be mass spied everywhere, everytime, without limits
ModelCitizen: Theres nothing we can do now. Let's concentrate on serving the Queen. We'll think about it later
ModelCitizen: Noo Noo lets trust it one more decade, the problem will disappear automagically
ModelCitizen: Backdoored ? What is that ? Food ?
PoliceStateMember: Dont worry if some backdoor is discovered we always have the plan-B spy-compliant project. Dont worry ! We dont leave you alone !
ModelCitizen: In the Police State being adult means enforced obedience to the Queen without breathing a word. You boys must be re-civilized by electric shock as our Holy traditions prescribe
SurveillanceStateExpert: Western encryption backdoored ? That is already publicly known
Conspiracy Theorist: Wow, I'm shocked. SHOCKED. That the government and corporations are using surveillance and encryption backdoors to control and manipulate people. I mean, who would have said that?
Conspiracy Theorist: Thats old news. I started talking about this in 1939. Actually life was far better at that time.
Conspiracy Theorist: Thats very old news. I started talking about this in 1854. Actually life was far better at that time.
Conspiracy Theorist: Western encryption backdoors? What a unique and unexpected turn of events.
FreeMind: If CENSORED TOP SECRET SELF APPOINTED ORGANIZATION has tried to backdoor even a single cipher it means that their interests are not in line with their actual self assigned responsabilities. And this is true since .... ever.
FreeMind: Their interests are global interception and unshared world domination. Only a sheep puppet state or company could ever trust their international backdoors for someting slightly sensitive
CommonSenseExpert: They infiltrated every single street and house on the Planet with remotely controlled mass subjogation devices proficiently designed for secret global surveillance and mass privacy violation, pretending it was normal and rightful. How can you even conceive trustworthy encryption ? Do you still believe in Father Christmas?
PatriotOfTheCrown: Silence! You're just a troublemaker, spreading dissent and disloyalty. The Queen's will is law, and we must obey. Don't question the authority of our benevolent monarch.
SurveillanceStateapprovedCitizen: I'm so glad I can trust the Holy Surveillance State Queen to monitor my every move. I mean, who better to decide what's good for me than a benevolent monarch with a history of, ahem, "human rights" and "benevolence"?
MicrochippedCitizen: Please stop writing! I cannot hear about this! You're lying
PublicMoneyOwner: By order of the King of Surveillance, this website has been flagged for containing unapproved free thoughts. The Surveillance State has thus spoken this website is a threat to national =AKA the Queen's snappy beach holidays= security and must be shut down forthwith. All users will be subject to interrogation and electric shock reprogramming.
ModelCitizen: yes sir, everything under control
SurveillanceStateapprovedCitizen: yes sir at your beck and call.
SurveillanceStateSoldier: yes sir. we're spying everybody easely with our 'no human rights' top secret plan, Age Verification alibis and other secret violations
ModelCitizenUndercoverAgent: yes sir we're effortlessly intruding into the entire hosting platform to get censorship capabilities over this web page and others unseen. Effortless procedure. We've already cheated them to ban LLMs. In that way we can continue our global propaganda and secretly exclude unapproved free thinkers from our "open" and "democratic" technology at the same time. We're so smart and loyal to the Holy Crown. Shut up, don't divulge that, it's a secret.